


Self-Testing Just Isn't Enough Anymore

by longlostintentions



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Autistic Reader, Crushes, Deviant Connor (Detroit: Become Human), F/M, Gen, M/M, Mentions Of Other Main Characters - Freeform, Written by autistic author, discovering feelings, gender neutral reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 08:05:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19764013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/longlostintentions/pseuds/longlostintentions
Summary: Newly formed deviants have trouble identifying emotions and how to deal with them.Thankfully for one android, so does autistic Reader.Maybe they can help each other figure things out.





	Self-Testing Just Isn't Enough Anymore

**Author's Note:**

> Some other autistic folks might not like the idea of being compared to robots and thats fair. But personally and especially in this context I find it comforting.  
> Don't like don't read I guess!

The rise and end of the revolution brought about a strange, unexpected benefit for you (and friends like you). While deviants integrated themselves into society alongside human beings, even the most well meaning people were unsure how to interact with them. Partly, because their brains worked so differently, partly because they usually weren't aware of things people thought was inherently common knowledge, and partly because they often had a hard time with their newfound emotions. The thing was, people treated you the same way. In the end, you felt more comfortable communicating with them, because you could help each other out in this strange world of expected social norms you were forced into.

You sat at a desk, absorbed in a book about architecture, when you heard your name being said. You heard it, but it didn't register as something you needed to respond to, until about the 4th time. Then you realized, you should probably answer whoever it is. It was Connor, leaning down to catch your attention. You smiled at him, feeling the daze of being dragged out of a book back into the real world. It was like culture shock sometimes.

“Sorry, what'd you say?” you asked.

“I was asking how long you'd been here...”

You thought for a second.

“I.... Don't remember. A while. You know how I get.”

“Only when learning about building structures,” he pointed out.

“Well yeah, usually.”

As the feeling of being more conscious of everything around you started to settle, an unpleasant feeling came over you. You must have frowned because Connor caught on immediately.

“Something wrong?”

You sighed.

“I feel weird....”

“Elaborate?”

You focused on the feeling.

“My insides hurt, but like... I don't think I'm sick... Also I feel grumpy....”

Immediately his LED went to work, flashing yellow as he thought on it. Then he smiled just a little.

“Think hard, how long have you been reading?”

You shrugged.

“Like... 3 hours or something?”

“And what were you doing before that?”

“I think I was pacing a lot.”

“And when was the last time you ate?”

You lit up.

“Not since this morning!”

“You're hungry.”

You beamed even more.

“You're right. Thanks!”

You nudge his shoulder affectionately and watch him head for the break room.

~~~~~~~~~

From the moment you walked into the room, Connor was sitting at his desk, seemingly focused on something with his yellow LED spinning madly. It concerned you, and you snuck over next to him. When he still didn't seem to notice you you peeked over his shoulder and grinned. Dogs? His terminal screen was full of dogs? You laid a hand on his shoulder and his LED flickered red briefly before he came to attention.

“Woah, relax it's just me. Sorry. Should've warned you.”

He shook his head and leaned forward.

“I was running a test but coming up empty.”

“Hmm... Maybe I can help with those tests.”

Connor took a moment to think, looking across his desk longingly for a second.

“It's a bad feeling. It isn't pleasant at least, like some.”

“Okay... Well when do you feel it?”

He looked across the desk again.

“I first noticed it when I paid the Lieutenant a visit... And despite my being easily accessible, Sumo followed _him_ around and rested on his lap instead...”

You resisted the urge to giggle a little.

“Coming back to my own empty living place made it worse... So I went to the park, but seeing so many people together didn't help either. With dogs, without dogs. I thought perhaps the answer was dogs, but now I'm not so certain.”

You sat on his desk, which normally would have gotten a frown, but now he barely noticed. Man this must be affecting him worse than he was letting on.

“Do you feel it now?” you asked curiously.

He thought about it, then smiled at you.

“No, it doesn't seem like it.”

“Why not?”

This one took him a little bit.

“I think because you're here.”

The sentiment made your heart stutter a little. It was sweet.

“Maybe you're lonely? I mean spending so much time in a facility, and then with a work partner, then living alone... Well it's bound to get you a little down.”

“And.... What should I do about it...?”

You smiled and slipped off the desk, kneeling down to look at his terminal.

“Actually... I think this time, a dog might be the answer.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You sat in Connor's living room, with K-9 (he had made the mistake of letting you help choose his dog's name) chewing and slobbering on a ball you gave him for his adoption day. You felt... Bad. Something wasn't right, it was off. You just didn't know what. You were stroking the Labrador's ears with a furrowed brow, trying to keep the burning in your stomach at bay, when Connor came in through the front door. It took him a minute to notice you, but when he did he put down his jacket and went over to pet K-9 and address you. Except it took a few tries. He ended up waving his hand in front of you until you pushed it away.

“I'm here, thanks Connor....” you mumbled.

“You look a bit perturbed,” he commented, crouching down next to you. Except K-9 knocked him down when he came to sit on him. He still thought he was a lap dog despite being a fully grown lab mix. You pushed his butt out of your face and made him sit on his owner's lap. Connor patted him as he eyed you.

“I think I need help running a test.”

He seemed to understand.

“Well it seems to be a negative feeling... Is it persisting or concentrated?” he asked. You frowned.

“Persisting. I came over here to play with K-9 and distract myself from it. But everytime I stop I get this sour feeling in my stomach, and it feels like something isn't right....”

“And you've remembered to eat today?” he asked. You rolled your eyes but smiled. He did have a point.

“Yeah I ate earlier. Not a lot... Anytime I tried it felt like I was forcing down a rock.... But I got something down.”

He nodded and concentrated again. His light spinning quickly now.

“And what happens when you try to distract yourself with other things, or go on with your day normally?”

The buzzing in your head gets loud, it felt like there was a pressure on your chest.

“I can't focus on anything... I feel like I'm waiting for an anvil to fall on my head constantly...”

“And what is it you're thinking about when that happens?”

You immediately feel like running and hiding a little.

“The report I'm supposed to do by the end of the week....”

He nodded like he knew it all along, petting his dog's head.

“I take it you haven't completed your assignment yet, then. Based on this and the fact that your stress levels are rising significantly as we speak, I would say you are procrastinating on your assignment and it is causing an intense anxiety response.”

Well you knew you should have been working on it. At first you figured you had plentty of time, but as the week wore on, the closer you came to the deadline, the more you kept feeling this.

“I guess that means I should do the report to get it to go away...” you grumbled.

“That would be my recommendation. I could assist you if needed.”

You let out a long breath, feeling the knot inside you undo as you rested your hand on top of his as you both pet the dog.

“Thank you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You returned to Connor's desk with a hot chocolate in hand. You were waiting for it to cool off. Connor's scowl had you distracted and curious. It was a little cute on him, you'd never seen him so expressive.

“Can you taste things?” you asked suddenly. It took a couple blinks to get him back to blue and out of his own head.

“Yes, minimally. Although I've been recommended not to eat or drink anything excessively high in temperature in case it damages the analytical sensors in my mouth.”

You grimaced at the thought.

“Why'd they put those there, anyways? That's... Gross.”

“I assume it was the most accessible location that wouldn't constantly be exposed to outside stimulus.”

You sat on his desk, and he opened his mouth to protest but then his eyes flickered across to the break room and he shut it.

“Basically it's so you don't analyze literally everything you touch?” you summarized, your eyes following his. Across the way his partner was talking with an officer. It seemed Connor had been a good influence on him, he'd become a little more social since their meeting.

“I could hardly be efficient at my job with statistics constantly running through my head,” he pointed out, still distracted.

“You don't seem very efficient now...” you tested. He tore his gaze away to frown at you, but it soon lingered back.

“I think I need an urgent diagnostics test...”

You nodded and took a sip, whining as it burned your tongue. It was the first time you'd seen him smile a little since you arrived. What an ass.

“Okay so.... It's pretty bad, since you've been scowling for what seems like the entire time. And.... You keep looking at the Lieutenant I assume it's got something to do with him. Did you guys fight?” you asked as you impatiently blew on your drink. Connor's eyes went back over there as he answered.

“No.... I don't think I'm feeling negative _at_ him.... It's only when he goes to talk to the other detectives in the station, which is illogical because they work together...” he looked at you a little helplessly. This one was really confusing him. Poor guy. You opened your mouth to speak but he kept going, seemingly on a roll. You'd just let him talk it out.

“It doesn't happen when they talk about a case. But now that he's become a bit more... Social, he is often occupied with them even when he isn't working,” he became increasingly more agitated. You frowned and laid a hand on his arm.

“He's going to have other friends, Connor.”

You could see him tense as he became even more aggrivated.

“I know that..! I know it isn't logical. I can't help it!”

You took a sip, finally being able to taste it without being burned, and set down your cup.

“Well emotions aren't always logical. That's what I hate about them. Do you feel it any other time?”

He didn't even hesitate this time.

“When Detective Reed makes flirtatious comments towards you.”

This caught you off guard. You shook your head slowly.

“That... What are you talking about? No he doesn't..!”

The corner of his mouth quirked.

“After additional intel I can confidently inform you that he is definitely intending on courting you.”

“Talk about gross.”

You took another sip.

“Okay. So you're jealous. Which kinda makes sense in regards to the Lieutenant. He was your first and only friend for a while. And I think you were kinda his first friend in a long time too... He could never replace you, you helped him a lot I think.”

He relaxed visibly.

“As for me well... You're always gonna be my favorite detective. I don't think I've had an easier friend to talk to than you.”

He met your gaze in a solid stare, not unkind, but his LED was circling steadily yellow. You held out your drink and he took it, taking a sip and frowning.

“How can you drink something so sweet?”

“The guy who puts blood in his mouth doesn't get to criticize what I drink.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You hadn't realized you were staring, not until Connor turned and met your gaze, heading your direction. You blinked out of your trance and looked for busy work. There was a strange fluttering decorating your insides. You felt like if you looked at him much longer you would lose it. His smile made your heart beat faster.

“Good afternoon,” he said cheerily. You looked up at him, but it was a little too much.

“You seem upbeat today,” you replied, suddenly very focused on your terminal.

“And you seem avoidant, something bothering you?” he teased lightly. You feel light-headed.

“I think I need help with diagnostics, stat.”

He sat in the chair across your desk and leaned on his elbows, folding his hands in front of you.

“Is it good or bad?” he asked.

“I think it... It's mostly good? It makes me happy and sort of giddy a lot. But also kind of scared and sad sometimes.”

“Do you feel it now?”

You nodded.

“All day. But definitely now. The good part I mean.”

For a minute he said nothing, but you could tell he was thinking.

“How often does it happen?”

“Well mostly.... When I'm.... Around you?” This was starting to feel like a mistake. It felt like you were on the edge of some kind of revelation, but it just wouldn't crack. He hummed and nodded, but his expression didn't reveal anything.

“Hand, please?” he held out his own and you placed yours in it. He gripped it for a second, lowering his eyes a little as he seemed to be scanning.

“Well your pulse has increased exponentially and from what you described it's likely one of two possibilities,” he started. You eyed him nervously.

“Either you're frightened by me...” he offered. You knew immediately this was wrong. He knew too. He leaned in even more, a faint smile lining his face.

“Or you feel affection for me.”

The phrase sat in the air between you two as you both sat still for a minute, just looking at each other. It seemed like a realization to both of you.

“Oh...” you breathed out. Well that made sense, now that you thought about it.

“I... I shouldn't feel that way, should I?”

He raised a curious brow.

“Why not?”

“Well, you're an android and I'm not.”

You might have been mistaken, but you thought you saw a flash of something, hurt, discomfort, something crossed his face. Only briefly, and then it was gone.

“Is it wrong that I'm an android?”

“Of course not.”  
“Is it wrong for you to have affection for someone?”

“I don't... Think so.”

“Then, logically, should it be wrong for you to have feelings for an android?” he deduced. You smiled to yourself.

“I guess not.”

He nodded, getting up to come to your side of the desk and kneel in front of you.

“Are there any other concerns?”

You smiled at him.

“Do you think it's wrong for a human to ask an android out for coffee?”

His LED flickered for a moment.

“Well logically coffee is sub-ideal since androids--”

“How about taking K-9 to the dog park, then?”

“I think I'd like that.”


End file.
